It is nearly Christmas and I am not in the mood. I am still back at Halloween. Boy time sure is chugging right along whether I like it or not. I have a few Christmas presents bought but not most. I'd better get my but moving. Tiger and I are debating whether or not to put up the Christmas tree or not. We haven't put up the tree since Dad died...just didn't feel right. Now we worry how Blackie and Simon will handle the idea of a tree in the house. It could be a real disaster. Midnight was always intranced by the tree and would try to climb it, but he was relatively easy to control; you could tell him no and he'd stop. Blackie you tell him no and he looks at you and debates whether or not he wants to obey or not...usually deciding not.

Well you find out who your real friends are when things get a little difficult. Now with our contract up in the air everyone is acting like idiots. It has gotten cutthroat. Everyone is trying to preserve her own job at the expense of the other instead of trying to stick together. Except for me. I say stick together and things will work out. I tell you, I just get so frustrated. What ever happened to loyalty? Am I the only one who believes in loyalty in friendships? They stab you in the back with serious consequences to me and then wonder why I am upset? Geez, the gall. My AA sponsor was appalled and just told me that my friend is sick and that I just need to keep my distance...that this person is no friend. Well, I figured that out all by myself. After 12 years of friendship, everything down the drain. All I have to do now is tip-toe around at work all day and try to not offend my ex-friend. I am keeping my mouth shut, all it does is get me in trouble. People take me wrong. So I figure if I keep silent (which I am a master at after 7 years in the monastery) then I can't offend. Right? Wrong. Now she's pissed because I am doing the silent treatment. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Go figure.

So now I figure I better start doing things to start looking for a new job because I think my days are numbered at the one I'm at. I have asked a few of the doctors to write letters of recommendation for me and they all said they'd be happy to. I don't think I can count on a good reference from my supervisor or my ex-friend. My supervisor never liked me and has always done all he could to nail my tail to the wall every chance he could. And my ex-friend is mad at me because I'm not talking to her after she had gotten me written up at work....like why would I trust her now? There is no way I would risk that.

I am just scared about going out and looking for another job because I only have coding experience. I have never done the insurance aspect and that will work against me. I'd love to be a traveling coder, but that requires experience in the business aspect of coding which I don't have. So, instead of going out as an experienced coder of over 12 years, I would be seen as a bit of a beginner because of no experience in billing. Not only that, there isn't any place that will pay me as well as I am being paid now. I would be having a serious paycut. I don't know how Tiger and I will survive another serious paycut. Oh well, God surely knows what He is doing.

Hopefully the contract won't die out and I won't get fired....but I am very close to getting fired after that fiasco a couple years ago. The company is not a very forgiving company. And this last write up has not helped at all. What was my ex-friend thinking? If she was any kind of friend she would not have done that. In case you are wondering what I got wrote up for, it was for too many personal phone calls. The day after my birthday. Some kind of friend.